It's a Living
by Foley Artist
Summary: Bonnie feels like a failure as a bully in this parody of "It's a Wonderful Life."


It's A Living (Parody of *It's A Wonderful Life*)  
  
(ESTABLISHING SHOT: A snow-covered Middleton High School)  
  
(Cut to the hallway, which is decked out in Christmas decorations. BONNIE stands at her locker. She is looking around)  
  
BONNIE: Let's see, who's life can I make miserable today?  
  
(The GIRL WHO DUMPED RON IN THE LIBRARY (We'll call her AMBER) and another GIRL (STACY) stand at their lockers. BONNIE listens in on their conversation)  
  
AMBER: So when are you going to tell him?  
  
STACY: At the hockey game.  
  
AMBER: Wow, I can't believe you're breaking up with him. You were made for each other. I just can't picture you two without each other. (Beat) What was his name again?  
  
STACY: Jack.  
  
(BONNIE sees JACK (THE GREEN GUPPY BOY) standing at his locker, talking with a friend)  
  
JACK: Yeah, so then Stacy and I are going to the hockey game after school.  
  
BONNIE: (To herself) No better way to start off the holidays than with a broken heart.  
  
(BONNIE goes over to him)  
  
BONNIE: So, you're going to the hockey game with Stacy today, huh?  
  
JACK: Yeah. She's really looking forward to it.  
  
BONNIE: I know she is.  
  
JACK: Why do you say that?  
  
BONNIE: Well, I'm good friends with her, and she told me that, at the hockey game, she's gonna break up with you.  
  
JACK: Really?  
  
BONNIE: Yeah.  
  
JACK: What a relief.  
  
BONNIE: (Not having gotten the answer she expected) What?!  
  
JACK: I'm glad that she wants to break up. I had thought that we weren't doing well for a while there. I'm glad she feels like that, it'll make it so much easier.  
  
(JACK leaves)  
  
BONNIE: (Annoyed) Okay, that was a waste.  
  
(Sees MONIQUE walking down the hall with a drink. BONNIE goes over to her, and bumps into her, knocking the drink out of her hands and spilling it on her pants)  
  
BONNIE: (Faux remorse) Oh, I'm sorry. You're pants are ruined.  
  
MONIQUE: (Looking at pants) Hey, they really work!  
  
BONNIE: (Confused) Pardon?  
  
(MONIQUE motions to her skirt, which is free of stain)  
  
MONIQUE: I just bought these new Club Banana waterproof pants, and I've been dying to give them a field test. Thanks, Bonnie!  
  
(MONIQUE walks off)  
  
BONNIE: This can't be happening! I have to make someone miserable.  
  
(Looks around desperately. Sees something off screen)  
  
BONNIE: Hope!  
  
(BONNIE walks off screen)  
  
(Cut to KIM, RON and JILL standing at KIM's locker)  
  
RON: Why is it they never have Hanukkah decorations up?  
  
KIM: Hanukkah comes at a different time than Christmas, doesn't it?  
  
RON: That's besides the point. The point is, when it does come around, they never have any decorations up.  
  
KIM: Take it up with Barkin. I'm sure he'd love to expand the school budget to buy new decorations.  
  
RON: I'll pass. (Beat) I could always just decorate my locker.  
  
KIM: So, Jill, you ready for the hockey game today?  
  
JILL: Yeah, the other team doesn't have a chance.  
  
RON: Who are you guys playing?  
  
JILL: The Bedford Falls Angels.  
  
RON: I see.  
  
(BONNIE approaches)  
  
BONNIE: Hi, Kim.  
  
KIM: Hi, Bonnie. Nice to see you.  
  
BONNIE: Whatever. So, I heard that the cheerleading squad wants to replace you.  
  
KIM: Did they?  
  
BONNIE: Oh yeah. And word is that they want me to be the new squad captain.  
  
(The CHEERSQUAD approaches)  
  
TARA: Hi, Kim.  
  
KIM: Hi, Tara.  
  
TARA: Kim, the entire squad has gotten together and gotten you an early Christmas gift.  
  
(One of the CHEERLEADERS gives KIM and plaque)  
  
TARA: This is a plaque, thanking you for being such a great captain.  
  
KIM: Aw, that's sweet.  
  
TARA: And we hope you do as good a job next year.  
  
KIM: Thanks, guys. You shouldn't have. (To BONNIE) And you really had me fooled, Bonnie. You are so great.  
  
BONNIE: (Dejected) Yeah, whatever.  
  
(BONNIE sulks away, and walks into BARKIN)  
  
BARKIN: Rockwaller, you have detention after school today.  
  
BONNIE: What?  
  
BARKIN: You were late for class three times this week, that's grounds for detention. I'll see you later.  
  
(BARKIN walks away. BONNE sulks out the door)  
  
(Cut to the outside. BONNIE walks down a snowy street. She is miserable that she can't make anyone unhappy. Suddenly, she spots a GIRL walking down the street. BONNIE walks by her and "accidentally" knocks her over, face- first into a snow bank. BONNIE grins her evil grin)  
  
BONNIE: Sorry.  
  
GIRL: Hey, ten bucks!  
  
(BONNIE's grin dissolves into a frown, and she trudges along)  
  
(Cut to a bridge. BONNIE stands in the middle of it and looks over the railing at the icy river below)  
  
BONNIE: Since when has Middleton had a river? I'm a failure as a bully.  
  
(BONNIE continues to stare at the water)  
  
VOICE: (OS) You don't really want to do that.  
  
(BONNIE turns to see SHEGO, leaning on the bridge)  
  
BONNIE: Um, excuse me, but I really don't have time for losers like you.  
  
SHEGO: Au contraire, you need losers like me. (Beat) Well, I'm not a loser, but, you know, trying to make a point. And the point is you've always needed losers. Or, who you think losers are.  
  
BONNIE: What is that supposed to mean? Are you related to Retribution?  
  
SHEGO: Never met him. Anyway, what I mean is that you've always had to make other people feel bad in order to make yourself feel good. You've always done it. It's your purpose in life.  
  
BONNIE: Look, for your information, I don't need to put people down, I just enjoy doing it. Besides, anyone can put people down. I'm sure everyone would still get bullied if I weren't born.  
  
SHEGO: That sounds like a wish.  
  
BONNIE: No it doesn't. If I said I wish I had never been born, then it would sound like a wish.  
  
SHEGO: Consider it granted.  
  
BONNIE: What?  
  
SHEGO: Your wish.  
  
BONNIE: I told you, I didn't make one.  
  
SHEGO: Yes you did.  
  
BONNIE: When?  
  
SHEGO: Just now, when you were saying that you hadn't made a wish before. You said "I wish I had never been born."  
  
BONNIE: Do you enjoy messing with people's heads, or do you not have anything better to do? I'm going back to school and pick up my books.  
  
SHEGO: I'll go with you.  
  
(BONNIE and SHEGO walk off)  
  
(Cut to the street. People are walking down the sidewalk, beaming)  
  
BONNIE: Why are all these people so happy?  
  
SHEGO: Because you're not here to make their lives miserable. This is what Middleton would be like if you were never born.  
  
BONNIE: How did that happen?  
  
SHEGO: You wished that you had never been born.  
  
BONNIE: I told you, I didn't.  
  
SHEGO: Sounded like a wish to me.  
  
BONNIE: Who are you to go around granting wishes, anyway? What are you, my guardian angel?  
  
SHEGO: Something like that.  
  
(BONNIE and SHEGO walk into Middleton High School. Kids browse the halls, smiling)  
  
BONNIE: Ugh. They're so, so-  
  
SHEGO: Happy?  
  
BONNIE: Yeah. Isn't there anyone here to bully them? Keep them grounded to reality?  
  
SHEGO: Actually, that was your job. But you were never born.  
  
BONNIE: Surely someone else would take on that responsibility? (Beat) And don't complete that joke.  
  
SHEGO: Actually, no. You see, only one or two people are put into an area who are classified as "mean." You are that one person for Middleton. Your whole purpose in life was to make people miserable, but you were never born.  
  
BONNIE: You know I'm really not seeing any purpose to this.  
  
SHEGO: Okay, we'll speed it along then.  
  
(The scene begins to move faster, as if on fast-forward. The scene also shifts, as if moving at a great speed. BONNIE and SHEGO stand at normal speed. After a moment, SHEGO returns to world to normal speed. They are no longer in Middleton, but in DRAKKEN's LAIR from "Tick-Tick-Tick")  
  
BONNIE: (Freaked) What was that?!  
  
SHEGO: Fast-forward. Right to where we need to be.  
  
BONNIE: I think I'm gonna be sick.  
  
SHEGO: Not on the outfit, okay? I just had it cleaned. Anyway, you don't want to miss this.  
  
(KIM and RON are standing on the platform above the shark pool. DRAKKEN and SHEGO are talking to them)  
  
BONNIE: Who are they?  
  
SHEGO: Dr. Drakken and his assistant Shego. Kim's arch nemesis. Or would it be nemesises? Nemesi? It doesn't matter, just watch.  
  
KIM: Why are you so angry? Couldn't we talk this over?  
  
BONNIE: "Talk this over?" What's up with that? That's not how you talk to an evil doctor.  
  
SHEGO: Yeah, but she doesn't know how to deal with evil people. Without you, normal opposition, she's been living in a fool's paradise. Now that she really needs to deal with an extremely mean person, she doesn't know how.  
  
BONNIE: So, in some twisted way, I actually do good?  
  
SHEGO: If you insist on putting a positive spin on it. Yes, you do.  
  
BONNIE: Wow. I didn't realize that I mattered so much.  
  
SHEGO: Let's have another example.  
  
(SHEGO snaps her fingers again. The scene shifts, like before. After a moment, SHEGO stops it. They are back in Middleton, at an empty lot. BONNIE looks ill)  
  
BONNIE: Stop doing that!! (Looks around) What are we doing here?  
  
SHEGO: This is where your house would be, had you been born.  
  
BONNIE: Oh. So where are my parents?  
  
SHEGO: Touring Europe.  
  
BONNIE: Oh.  
  
SHEGO: Since they don't have to raise you, they were able to live their lives to the fullest. They did everything they couldn't do if they had a child. Plus they saved a bundle by never having to fix that newel-post.  
  
BONNIE: What newel-post?  
  
SHEGO: Nothing. Anyway, I hope you're beginning to see what purpose you've served in life.  
  
BONNIE: I get it all right. I make people miserable. That's my purpose. Without me people are happy and unable to deal with harsh reality. Is that it?  
  
SHEGO: Basically.  
  
BONNIE: So when I go back to having been born, I have to be as mean as I have been.  
  
SHEGO: Possibly meaner. You've kept an entire town in check. Any girl who can make so many people miserable can't possibly be a failure.  
  
BONNIE: This is weird. I wouldn't expect to get this kind of advice from an angel.  
  
SHEGO: Who said anything about me being an angel?  
  
(SHEGO snaps her fingers and is engulfed in a pyre of fire that leaps out of the ground beneath her. SHEGO is swallowed up by the Earth)  
  
SHEGO: (OS) See ya later!  
  
(BONNIE stands frozen, looking in horror at the ground)  
  
BONNIE: (Shocked) Um, yeah. Later.  
  
(BONNIE shudders. She looks around, she is back on the bridge)  
  
BONNIE: Note to self: don't eat the cafeteria food ever again.  
  
(A KID in a dark green jacket walks up to her)  
  
KID: Hey, Bonnie.  
  
BONNIE: Wait, you know who I am?  
  
KID: Sure. You're that mean girl at school.  
  
BONNIE: I was born! I was born after all! I've been making people miserable!  
  
(BONNIE pauses, as if something is amiss. She snaps her fingers near her right ear)  
  
BONNIE: Why can't I hear anything in my right ear? Oh well, it doesn't matter! It's Christmas and I'm alive!  
  
(BONNIE runs past the KID, knocking him over and into a snow bank. The KID examines his jacket)  
  
KID: Hey! I just bought this!  
  
(Cut to a street with a sign reading "Welcome to Middleton." BONNIE runs past it into town)  
  
BONNIE: Merry Christmas, fashion victims! Merry Christmas, losers! Merry Christmas, geeks!  
  
(BONNIE runs into KIM walking down the street in her red jacket)  
  
BONNIE: Kim Possible, my loser friend! Merry Christmas! That jacket looks terrible on you and is totally last season! You're hopeless!  
  
(BONNIE runs off in ecstasy)  
  
KIM: Yeah. Merry Christmas to you, too. (KIM glances at her jacket) It's not that bad.  
  
(BONNIE runs down the street and bumps into RON)  
  
RON: Ow! Watch it, Bonnie!  
  
BONNIE: Merry Christmas, you four-eyed little freak!  
  
RON: It's so nice to know that you care. Poor, poor Bonnie. You realize this is why nobody likes you?  
  
BONNIE: Oh, but I'm not so poor. "Any girl who can make so many people miserable can't possibly be a failure." That's what the girl said.  
  
RON: What girl?  
  
BONNIE: I don't know. I just know I've had a wonderful life! And today is a wonderful day!  
  
(BARKIN walks up)  
  
BARKIN: Rockwaller, where have you been?  
  
BONNIE: Merry Christmas, Mr. Barkin!  
  
BARKIN: You have detention, Rockwaller.  
  
BONNIE: (To RON) Isn't it wonderful? I'm going to detention!  
  
(BONNIE runs off. BARKIN and RON are confused)  
  
BARKIN: Did that make any sense to you?  
  
RON: No.  
  
BARKIN: Huh. She must have eaten the meat loaf.  
  
(BONNIE runs down a street and passes a PRACTICING CHOIR)  
  
BONNIE: Merry Christmas!  
  
CHOIR: Merry Christmas! (The CHOIR starts singing "Auld Lang Syne")  
  
BONNIE: By the way! You're all flat! Did you know that?!  
  
(BONNIE runs off. The CHOIR stops singing and wonders if they were really flat. KIM and RON watch her as she offers Christmas insults to everyone she passes)  
  
RON: This is the most bizarre holiday special I've ever seen.  
  
KIM: I know. (Beat) I wonder what got into her.  
  
RON: We'll probably never know.  
  
KIM: (Beat) Merry Christmas, four eyes.  
  
RON: Merry Christmas, discount shopper.  
  
(THE END) 


End file.
